FOR HORNED ANIMALS ONLY

Source: Horned Animals Only: Rapid Reading series

Even though the elephant, as you know, has no horns, he once gave a party "For Horned Animals Only." Nobody quite knew why, except his wife, for he said to her before he sent out the invitations, "if we invite the horned animals only, we won't have to entertain the lion and lioness. How I despise that strutting pair! If they had not been here, I should definitely have been elected King of Beasts, and you, my dear, would have been my Queen."

The hare was not, of course, invited, as he had no horns, but he hadn't been to a party for a long time so he decided to gate-crash (attend without an invitation) the elephant's affair. Taking a pair of old antelope horns that had been lying about the place for some time, he stuck them firmly on to his head with beeswax, laughing with delight as he observed his comical reflection in the pool's placid waters. And away he hopped to the party.

All the horned animals were there - the springbuck, buffalo, impala, kudu, rhinoceros, sable antelope, all of them, with the ladies admiring the headgear of their husbands who pranced and strutted about as if they were the stars of a fashion parade. When a black wildebeest made the remark that it seemed odd for the hornless elephant to throw a party for the horned animals, the kindly kudu bull was heard to say, "But of course his tusks are really horns growing upside down, aren't they?"

It was a marvelous party, with plenty to eat - shrubs, berries, fruits, juicy grass in little piles, and the finest aromatic roots. And beer there was in plenty, so much so that everybody who saw the horned hare thought that he was some exotic species of buck. In fact, when the rhinoceros asked him where he came from, saying at the same time that he had never seen such a fantastic animal before, the hare replied that he was a visitor to those parts from Burundi and was actually the last surviving member of his tribe.

As the beer flowed like water, the spirits rose higher and higher. The rhinoceros and the buffalo did a thundering tap-dance together (so thundering that the hare feared the vibrations might shake his beeswaxed horns loose), an impala troupe performed a ballet, the elephant trumpeted grandly, and the warthog's song was as sad as his appearance.

All night long the revels continued, with the stars winking above the clearing and the moon lighting up the festivities. The hare, having drunk far too much beer, feel asleep under a peach tree.

When he awoke, - with a splitting headache brought on by the beer he had so greedily and recklessly drunk - he felt the sun's rays tapping at his eyelids, but he was shrewd enough not to open his eyes immediately, for he knew instinctively that something had gone wrong. And his heart thumped in fear as he heard the elephant rumbling near him:

"Look, friends, at the despicable little hare, the uninvited guest, with the beeswax melted by the sun and his horns lying at his side. We've been tricked by this impostor who came to our party under false horns. He must be punished - and punished severely - for mocking all us horned animals."

"Hear! Hear!" the frightened hare heard the other animals saying, and he opened his left eye ever so slightly. He was surrounded by a half-circle of horned animals and his mind was working swiftly. He noticed that the rhinoceros - who had also drunk too much beer - was not very steady on his legs, and he thought to himself that the rhino would not be able to move quickly in that condition.

So, before the animals quite knew what had happened, the hare jumped to his feet and scooted through the rhino's legs. The startled animal tried to turn, fell with a crash, and some of the other animals stumbled over his massive body, giving the hare a chance to escape.

But he didn't get very far, for even a hare is not so swift as a buck, and as he realized that he would be caught he scurried into a tiny cave in the hills. It was just big enough to contain his body, and he thought he was safe until he felt somebody pulling his tail.

But his quick mind did not let him down, even though the pain was agonizing.

"Ha! Ha!" he laughed, "You think you've got hold of my tail, don't you, but what you are pulling is a root. You're fooling yourself, whoever you are" - for his nose was stuck in a corner of the tiny cave and he couldn't see behind him.

Whoever was holding him let go, and at that moment he heard the elephant trumpeting, "There's his tail! Pull him out! Pull him out, the hornless rascal!"

After great effort he managed to turn around so that he could look out, and he was delighted to see the elephant pulling a root that was growing just outside the mouth of the tiny cave.

His eyes twinkled with merriment. "Ouch!" he cried. "Oh, don't be so cruel, O horned creatures. You're pulling my tail and the pain is unbearable. Oh! Oh!"

Spurred on by his cries, the elephant pulled even harder, the rhino pulled the elephant, the warthog pulled the rhino, the small antelope pulled the warthog, and so on, until a long chain of animals was straining to pull out the root they thought was the hare's tail.

And the hare pretended to be crying in agony.

Suddenly, the root came out of the ground in a rush, and the animals tumbled backwards, falling upon one another in great confusion, the drunken rhino lying on his back with his legs waving feebly in the air.

The hare jumped out of his cave, leaped upon the belly of the helpless rhino, danced a brisk tattoo upon him, screamed with laughter. And was gone before a single animal could rise to its feet.

"I'm a brilliant fellow," he thought as the sand spurted by under his speeding feet. "I've foxed all the horned animals, and now, with that experience behind me, I can surely fool my old enemy the tortoise."

But that is another story.